Gifted Athletes: Bianca & Landon

Welcome to "Gifted Athletes," a new segment here at 55 Problems. Recently, our friends at Deadspin have posted links to the wedding registry of athletes about to get hitched. We missed the gravy boat on Tracy McGrady and his bride, but we're going to do our best from here on out. Enjoy.

Next up on Gifted Athletes, courteousy of The Big Lead, the often topless, tuetonic-hating, great-white-hope of USA soccer Landon Donovan and his fiance Bianca.


Here's the twist with this edition folks . . . I'm not getting them a present. While bueatiful couple are registered at Macy's, the options are pretty slim. While I was able to procure the infinitely useful Tools Of The Trade Commercial Measuring Cups for Dontrelle and Natalee, there was nothing on the registery A) in my price range or B) unique in any way. What? I'm going to get them one Calvin Klein Thistle soup bowl? Nah, I don't think so. And who knew Calvin Klein made dishware? Does that man's talents know no bounds? But I digress . . .

A note about the picture above . . . I don't know where it's from but it's obviously a spoof of the iconic Brandy Chastain goal celebration. A cursory search of Google Images revealed a large number of topless pictures of Donovan. If the future Mrs. Donovan follows her hubby's lead, I predict Donovan will gain quite the following among American males between the ages of 18-35.

Gifted Athletes: Natalee & Dontrelle

Welcome to "Gifted Athletes," a new segment here at 55 Problems. Recently, our friends at Deadspin have posted links to the wedding registry of athletes about to get hitched. We missed the gravy boat on Tracy McGrady and his bride, but we're going to do our best from here on out. Enjoy.

This edition of Gifted Athletes features none other than high-kicking, fire-balling, flat-brimmed, cap-askew, Florida Marlins pitcher, Dontrelle Willis and his bride-to-be Natalee.

Figuring out what to get talented, young, extremely rich people can be quite a chore. I considered seeking a solution for Dontrelle's ass-nipple (see picture below) but ultimately decided on something more conventional.

In this case, we chose the Tools Of The Trade Commercial Measuring Cups pictured above. I can attest to the high quality of these measuring cups as I happen to own the very same ones. In fact, I bought them as a Christmas present for my ex-wife. Insert your own joke here.

We hope that Natalee and Dontrelle enjoy their measuring cups and, of course, their marriage. Congratulations!

NOTE: This isn't just make believe - we really are buying these gifts. We chose the gift box option on the Macy's site and this message went with the gift:

Dear Natalee & Dontrelle,
Congratulations and best wishes!
Sincerely, 55 Problems (doublenicks.blogspot.com)

Also, now that we're buying wedding gifts for people we don't know, we're makign a solemn vow to really, really, try to do a better job getting wedding gifts for people we do know.