The Michael Irvin Experiment

If you happened to be listening to The Dan Patrick Show on ESPN Radio or caught the report from The Big Lead, then you know that apparently, former All-Pro wide receiver, experienced drug (ab)user, current retarded NFL studio analyst, and black man, has pulled a Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder.

During a discussion of the Cowboys-Colts game last Sunday, specifically the play of new Dallas QB and Daisy Duke heart-throb Tony Romo, Irvin reach deep into experience as an NFL player and analyst to come up with the this explanation for Romo's athleticism:

“… [there must be] some brothers in that line somewhere … (laughs) somewhere there are some brothers … I don’t know who saw what, where …. [maybe] his great, great, great, great Grandma ran over in the hood or something went down … (more laughs)”

You can listen to the clip here (it's the 6th link down), at least until ESPN buries the evidence.

I don't know if Irvin should or will get fired, suspended, reprimanded over this, but I can't wait to see the fall out, or lack of it. The reaction to this will be very telling and the situation is the perfect petri dish in which to determine if the media - both ESPN and everyone else - is upholding a double standard when it comes to racists statements.

This isn't about whether or not slave owners bred their slaves to create superior physical specimens. Suggesting that is what got Jimmy The Greek fired and vilified nearly 20 years ago. For me, it's about perpetuating stereotypes and even worse, taking something away from accomplished athletes by turning it into a biology conversation. What Irvin said, unintentionally or not, turned Romo's success into genetics instead of the countless hours of work he has undoubtedly logged to get where he is today. This is the same crap as when Larry Bird was always referred to as a "smart player" while Dr. J was a "great athlete."

The fact of the matter is, some of these guys can run faster and jump higher than others. Some of them are black, some are not. Some people are tireless workers, while others rely on physical gifts. But in the end, everyone you see on the field on Saturday and Sunday, or the basketball court or baseball diamond, is a phenomenal athlete that got where they are through a ton of sweat.

So Michael Irvin saying yet another dumb thing, is in essence insulting Romo's effort and his family. Maybe Romo's great-great-great grandma did "pull one of them studs out of the barn" but maybe she didn't and get this: it's possible that great athletic genes can come from white people too.

I think the thing that gets me really fired up about this - aside from Irvin being a jackass - is that I don't expect anything to happen to Irvin. And I suspect if Dan Patrick had said the same thing, he would have faced serious consequences. The idea that it's OK to saying something about a race because you are of that race, is ridiculous. And for Irvin, it's irresponsible. But I guess not any more irresponsible than the hookers and crack. So there's that.

So get ready for nothing to happen. But if there is backlash, you can bet U alum/apologist Dan LeBatard will be right there to explain why it was OK for Irvin to say what he said.

Ever Wonder Why Teams/Leagues Struggle?

I think it's because, for the most part, the people who own them are freakin' morons. I've jumped on Steinbrenner before - perhaps even unfairly singling him out. The latest entry in the growing list of moronic owners is the Minnesota Timberwolves' Glen Taylor. He gave an interview to Britt Robson of the Minneapolis/St. Paul City Pages, brilliantly summarized by TrueHoop (so you can skip right to the extra dumb parts).

As I read Taylor's comments I'm struck by one thought . . . Oh. My. God. Shut the hell up! One often overlooked epidemic of modern day sports is that people seem to get into ownership because they are fans and they are attracted to the status and/or the idea of playing fantasy basketball/football/baseball on the highest level. It is increasingly rare to see ownership that is focused on the things a business person should be focused on - building an organization with value, finding better ways to serves your customers, and ultimately, increasing the bottom line (or at least the value of your operation). Some owners win. Some owners increase the bottom line. But the number who do it without mucking around in the personnel side of the business is staggering.

The examples are many and the results are frequently bad: The Atlanta Hawks ownership's civil war, Taylor's under-the-table agreement with Joe Smith, and of course, Steinbrenner (post your favorite George meddling job in the comments . . . Irabu? Contreras?). Daniel Snyder. Mark Cuban. Along with Steinbrenner, both have increased the value of their respective franchises exponentially but you could still argue that inserting themselves in personnel matters has cost their teams on their fields/courts of play.

If I were Kevin McHale, especially because I apparently didn't want this job in the first place and would prefer to drag my knuckles on the forest floor while hunting, I would quit over this. Who likes it when their boss questions - or maybe exposes - their work ethic? Or makes vague comments that could lead someone to believe that you molested male model and part time basketball player Wally Szczerbiak? Or read about how he sold a former employee (Flip Saunders in this case) down the river? Run Kevin! Run!

I'm rambling. All I'm trying to say is this . . . like any other business, if the owner/CEO can find the right people and let them do their jobs, they will be successful. Trying to do everyone else's job, as proven time and time again - in sports and in the rest of the business world - does not work. Period.

TO Needs a TO

OK, let's talk about this Terrell Owens suicide thing. . . Deadspin wrapped up today's TO Circus with an excellent post today that asked the real Kim Etheredge to please stand up. Essentially, it asks who is lying: the friend and colleague who called 911 terrified that Owens was trying to kill himself or the PR assassin who denied everything and returned to the "reaction to medication" story when the camera lights are on.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't know everything - or even one damn thing - but when I look at it in that light, I can't see any possibility other than that Owens actually tried to kill himself. At the minimum, he was extremely convincing to someone who must know him, his antics, and his moods - and how to spin them - extremely well.

Suicide is a scary topic. Most people have probably been touched by it in some way - either knowing someone who killed themselves - or tried to - or because they have had their own feelings of wanting to escape (by a show of hands, how many of you have been feeling bad enough about your life that you've considered driving off the side of the road - the feeling of knowing you could do it and there would be no going back . . . for the record, my hand is raised). And people look at athletes now and think they have it all - money, fame, freakish athletic talent - and wish they could have just a sliver of that life. How much better would that be than the job that doesn't pay you what you deserve, the house you can't really afford? Owens has all that and he's unhappy? Bullshit.

Well, the fact is, depression and suicidal thoughts have nothing with money or fame or freakish athletic talents. I mean, sure, TO could have not been such a huge dick all these years (I'm an Eagles fan, FYI), but it can't be easy having everyone hate your guts. It is socially acceptable to say TO is a selfish athlete who represents everything that is wrong with sports today. Even if it's true - they say suicide is a selfish act - Is that easy to hear about yourself? Blasted on ESPN and ESPN 2, ESPN Radio, ESPN Mobile, and ESPN The Magazine (and the Ocho). Knowing ESPN it's probably even in the small print on the back of the ESPN credit card (man those fuckers are getting annoying with their cross-promoting aren't they?).

So even though suicide is a sensitive and even painful topic, let's be honest . . . there are ways in which you can kill yourself without a doubt, and ways you can try to kill yourself. People who want to be dead jump off bridges, hang themselves, or put bullets in their brains. People who want attention - and maybe are willing to die to get it - take lots of pills.

There. I said it. I think - once again - TO is trying to get attention. I may come across as a cynic (in this post and in real life) but generally speaking, I think I'm a pretty positive person. I don't think that TO staged a suicide attempt to get attention. But I do think getting attention was the goal, not dying. Some may say he loves himself too much to kill himself. I don't think that's quite it. I think he feels pretty good about himself, but it seems pretty clear to me that he needs a lot of people agreeing with him before he'll really believe it.

I'm not going to get to hung up on specifics - just going on recollection here - but when did it start? In San Francisco, Owens wanted to prove he was no one's bitch, not even the greatest receiver of all time and future Dancing with the Stars celebrity - Jerry Rice - was better than him. Then after he practically ran the San Francisco treat out of town - with his talent, to be fair - any ball not thrown to him was a problem. He was a great player then and you gameplan around your superstars. He had 20 catches in a game - 20! But that wasn't enough validation for him either. He wants out of San Fran so he argues with his coach in front of the cameras and calls his QB gay (Pick your joke here . . . A) hey, he was bound to be right one of the times he opened his mouth or B) Takes one to know one). He openly lobbies for a trade to the Eagles (as do various Eagles players - McNabb included . . . think he regrets that?) and when he gets traded to Baltimore he cries foul claiming contract irregularities. Frankly, he's lucky that Ray Lewis' entourage didn't stab him over that ordeal. That opens the doors for a trade to Philly where everything is right with the world, right?

Honestly, it seemed so. He was amazing that first season until he got hurt. Then the Eagles kept winning and when Owens came back for the Super Bowl, he was amazing again (I'm not prepared to go into the whole "what was up with McNabb?" thing here). And to this point TO's antics to this point were garden variety pompous athlete stuff. Yeah, he was bad, but he wasn't any worse that anyone else.

Enter Drew Rosenhaus.

I'm not going to go all Bryant Gumble on yo' ass but I will admit that NFL contracts heavily favor the team/owners. Players are expected to honor their contracts while teams routinely cut players before having to pay them on their back-ended deals. Truth be told, I sometimes find myself conflicted when players (like Dieon Branch) hold out for more money, and I am definitely more sympathetic to those who have attained superstar status while earning the league minimum or close to it (like Branch).

But Owens had just got his big contract the year before and now it wasn't big enough. Why? Drew Rosenhaus.

Listen, I loved Jerry Maguire so I'm not going to sit here and say all sports agents are scum. I mean, crazy Tom Cruise was Rod Tidwell's Ambassador of Kwan even if he was just pretending. But even excusing Rosenhaus of his reputation, the whole situation stunk from the minute he arrived on the scene.

Here's the problem: Rosenhaus didn't get paid a dime on the contract Owens already had.

So Rosenhaus arrives and TO wants a new contract. And he says horrible things about his quarterback and nice things about Brett Farve (you'd think Favre would have given TO pointers on the whole abusing painkillers thing). And he kicks and screams and acts like an ass - no longer a garden variety ass - until he gets himself kicked out of Philly. Interesting strategy.

Rosenhaus still hasn't been paid at this point.

So TO goes to the Cowboys. Now Rosenhaus has been paid. Mission accomplished right?

Well, Bill Parcells is a lot of things but one this he isn't is dumb. He doesn't want TO so when the owner trumps him, I'm sure he resolved to stay the hell out of it. Conventional wisdom was that TO would have something to prove (didn't he always) and he would blow up and be a dominant force he was in preceding years but time 10 because he had been disrespected.

Instead he's injured all preseason. He's not the first vet to spend preseason on the bike to avoid two-a-days in August so we can give him a pass on that. But when it comes time to play, TO looks so good he makes Drew Bledsoe look good (until he demonstrates his inability to throw to the sideline and is picked off on the same throw for about the 2000th time). Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you cheer for), he breaks his finger in the process.

Did Owens tried to kill himself because he broke his finger? Seems unlikely.

Did he try to kill himself because he's eclipsing Barry Bonds as the most hated man in sports? Seems more likely.

And who's fault is that. TO is a selfish, me-first asshole, so he certainly must be held accountable for that. But Drew Rosenhaus . . . he did what few defensive backs have been able to do over the past decade - he shutdown Terrell Owens - all for the love of money.

What an asshole.