Gifted Athletes: Natalee & Dontrelle

Welcome to "Gifted Athletes," a new segment here at 55 Problems. Recently, our friends at Deadspin have posted links to the wedding registry of athletes about to get hitched. We missed the gravy boat on Tracy McGrady and his bride, but we're going to do our best from here on out. Enjoy.

This edition of Gifted Athletes features none other than high-kicking, fire-balling, flat-brimmed, cap-askew, Florida Marlins pitcher, Dontrelle Willis and his bride-to-be Natalee.

Figuring out what to get talented, young, extremely rich people can be quite a chore. I considered seeking a solution for Dontrelle's ass-nipple (see picture below) but ultimately decided on something more conventional.

In this case, we chose the Tools Of The Trade Commercial Measuring Cups pictured above. I can attest to the high quality of these measuring cups as I happen to own the very same ones. In fact, I bought them as a Christmas present for my ex-wife. Insert your own joke here.

We hope that Natalee and Dontrelle enjoy their measuring cups and, of course, their marriage. Congratulations!

NOTE: This isn't just make believe - we really are buying these gifts. We chose the gift box option on the Macy's site and this message went with the gift:

Dear Natalee & Dontrelle,
Congratulations and best wishes!
Sincerely, 55 Problems (doublenicks.blogspot.com)

Also, now that we're buying wedding gifts for people we don't know, we're makign a solemn vow to really, really, try to do a better job getting wedding gifts for people we do know.

Hammering the Box

"Geez, (they) seem to be hammering them in the box, but nothing's going in."

If a woman said that to you, what would you think they were talking about? Is she hitting on you? A carpenter? Try this: a soccer fan. Man, soccer fans talk funny.

Speaking of man, Man U (Manchester United) - they were the ones "hammering the box" - finally did "get it in" in the 45th minute to tie the score at 1-1 in their Champions League match with Benfica (from Portuguese Liga). Benfica features many players with 3+ names and a goalie with a last name of Quim.

Not that sexual undertones should be considered odd in soccer. Europeans are far more open with this stuff than us Puritans. I guess that explains Dutch goalie Stefan Postma's prison rape scene sex tape and this.

OK boys and girls, this is about as close as a live soccer blog as you're going to get from me.

UPDATE: Man U scored twice in the second half to beat Benfica, 3-1.